Love and But……

As I contemplate the failure of my last marriage, I find that there were two major factors that destroyed our relationship. Simply put, it was the combination of Love and But. If ever there were two words that should not have been in the same sentence, these would take top honors. If I had only taken the time to listen to the rest of the conversation after I heard, “I love you”, I could have saved myself a lot of stress, gray hair and heartache in general, but I didn’t. The unconditional nature of love truly allows no room for transitional phrases that lend themselves to separate emotion from action. While it may not be Psychology 101, I have enough experience to know that it has merit. When someone says “I love you, but…”, they are acknowledging their true feelings, yet declaring their unwillingness to follow their heart instead of their head. Learning the effect of grammatical positioning can be a major milestone in your quest for understanding relationships in general. When you are head-strong and heart-weak, it is easy to convince yourself that you might be less of a person if you allow emotion to take precedence over action. While it may seem to be a logical stance, it will only create havoc if you are dealing with a person whose feelings take priority over their thoughts. When this happens, the idea of opposites attracting is useless. When both parties are able to say, “I love you, and…”, your tolerance level increases allowing for growth in a relationship. Paying attention to how love is expressed verbally can help take the guesswork out of wondering where you stand in a relationship, and save you some grief over a period of time. While love may be truly hard to define at times, there really should be no ifs or buts about it.

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